you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
