So drunk, too bad you don't want this
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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