I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
why is half of my head shaved?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
