Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
