If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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