thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
