Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
