Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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