dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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