I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
