I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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