I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
