You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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