Will you blow on my dice?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im six kinds of drunk right now
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
