I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize