I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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