Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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