i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize