We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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