You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
