For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
