I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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