***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
