just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
bring money and cleavage
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
