3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
