I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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