We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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