I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
