so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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