a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
