do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
