i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
