nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
