My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
