New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
