I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
