I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
