she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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