just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
