Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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