so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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