Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
