I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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