today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
