She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
