just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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