dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
