i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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