Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Randomize
