Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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