Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
