There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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