How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
