Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
