took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize