I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
