I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
