she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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