so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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