There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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