remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
