I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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