why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
