id be glad to
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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