Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
