So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
