in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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