apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
