She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
