OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
