Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
