Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
