Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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